Chapter 2: Almost Everything I Dreamed of

When we went home for the holidays, I discovered that being away from him didn't make my feelings disappear.

If anything, it made me want to talk to him even more.

At the time, I didn't have a smartphone of my own, so I used my mother's phone to communicate with him on Facebook. We chatted whenever we could, and those conversations became something I looked forward to.

Of course, it wasn't long before my mother discovered our messages.

She wasn't pleased. She scolded me and warned me about getting pregnant, as though I had already done something terrible. I remember how embarrassed I felt, but that didn't make my feelings disappear. We continued finding ways to talk, and eventually, our conversations included calls and video calls.

We even exchanged cute kissing stickers.

Looking back, it was such a small thing, but at the time, it felt exciting. We were teenagers in love, trying to express our feelings in the little ways we knew how.

When I turned sixteen, I was back at school, and he gave me another gift: a necklace.

I was so happy. My best friend also gave me jewelleries for my birthday, so I had gifts from two people who meant a lot to me. But receiving something from him felt different. I liked knowing that he had thought about me enough to choose something for me.

Those were the kinds of moments that made our relationship special.

We weren't doing anything extraordinary. We were simply two young people who liked each other very much and wanted to make each other happy.

Then came our final year of secondary school.

In 2023, we spent months at school preparing for our WAEC and NECO examinations. From January to June, our lives revolved around classes, reading, preparation, and trying to do well. There was so much to think about, and we both had our academic futures ahead of us.

But even with all that pressure, we still had each other.

We continued helping one another academically, talking whenever we could, and making memories that I didn't realise I would one day look back on so fondly.

We were getting closer to the end of our time together at school, although I don't think I fully understood what that meant yet.

We lived far apart, roughly a twelve-hour drive from each other. Leaving school meant we wouldn't be able to see each other whenever we wanted. We would have to depend on calls and messages, and neither of us knew what that would mean for our relationship.

His birthday came around the time we were preparing to leave school. I bought him a wristwatch as a gift.

I wanted to give him something special, but there was something else I wanted to do, too.

I wanted to kiss him.

Not a sticker. Not a joke. Not something we could pretend hadn't happened.

I wanted to kiss him properly, even if it was just once.

The problem was that we were both shy, and neither of us had ever been brave enough to make that move. We had spent so much time liking each other, being close, and acting like a couple, yet we were still two teenagers who could become awkward over the simplest expressions of affection.

But this time, I decided to go for it.

I gave him a brief peck on the lips.

For a moment, we were both surprised. Then we hugged, and I remember his hand resting around my waist. It was such a small moment, but I remember how it felt to finally do something I had wanted to do for so long.

He told me he had dreamed about kissing me.

I don't think he could have said anything that would have made me happier at that moment.

We talked about leaving school and how much we would miss each other. We hoped we would remain close even after everything changed, although neither of us knew exactly how we would manage it.

It was our last night at school.

Soon, our results were announced. I wasn't as satisfied with mine as I had hoped to be, while he did well. I had my own feelings to process, but there was also the reality that we were about to go home and begin a completely different chapter of our lives.

We eventually left school.

And just like that, the place where our relationship had grown was no longer somewhere we could share every day.

At home, I got a smartphone, which made communicating with him easier. Unfortunately, it was stolen during a house theft within a few days or weeks of getting it. My dad eventually replaced it with a newer phone, and we continued talking on WhatsApp, through calls, and on video calls.

We were still part of each other's lives, even though we were no longer in the same place.

In October 2023, we returned for our graduation.

I was shy and awkward around him. He wanted us to take pictures together, but I didn't immediately know how to act around him. Eventually, we took the pictures, and I was glad we had them.

Still, there was a sadness I couldn't quite ignore.

We were leaving again, and this time, there was no new school term waiting for us. No more sitting near each other in class. No more seeing each other during the day or finding little opportunities to talk.

We were going our separate ways.

I didn't know when we would see each other again.

Around that period, I wrote a song about him. I was sixteen, approaching seventeen, and the song was about not wanting to let him go. At the time, that was how I felt. I wanted us to remain together, and I didn't want the distance between us to change what we had.

For my seventeenth birthday, he gave me airtime.

It wasn't an elaborate gift, but it was another little reminder that he remembered me. We continued talking, and I was still attached to the relationship we had built.

Then, in January 2024, I started university.

Everything began to feel different.

University was a new experience, and I wanted to explore it. I wanted to spend time with people, discover more about myself, and experience life beyond the routines I had known in secondary school.

Meanwhile, he was pursuing his own future. He wanted to study medicine, and I knew that our lives were moving in different directions.

We were young, living far apart, and still dependent on our parents. Our relationship had always grown through the little moments we shared in person, but now most of what we had was through a phone screen.

I wanted to see him. I wanted to spend time with him physically, not just hear his voice or read his messages. I wanted the kind of relationship where I could actually be around the person I cared about.

And I began to realise how difficult that would be.

The distance wasn't just about how many hours separated us. It was about the lives we were beginning to build and how little control we had over when we could see each other.

But distance wasn't the only thing happening inside me.

My feelings began to fluctuate.

Some days, I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine not being with him. Other days, I questioned why we were still together and wondered whether I genuinely wanted the relationship anymore.

It confused me because I knew what we had shared was real. I remembered the gifts, the conversations, the first kiss, and the way we had grown close in school.

I didn't want to pretend those things meant nothing.

But I also didn't want to stay in a relationship simply because we had a beautiful history.

We had never officially defined ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend, even though we had behaved like a couple for so long. And now, as I tried to understand what I wanted from my life, I realised that the relationship was becoming harder to navigate.

I didn't want to hurt him by pretending to feel something I wasn't certain I could continue feeling. I didn't want to be unfaithful, and I didn't want to keep him waiting for a future I couldn't confidently imagine.

I cared about him, but I was no longer sure that caring was enough to make our relationship work.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt that we were facing something neither of us was prepared for.

I had once written a song about never letting him go.

Now, I was beginning to wonder whether holding on was the right thing to do.

Because when I eventually entered university, I began to realise that loving someone and knowing what to do with that love were two very different things.

To be continued......