The Weight of a Dream

It was an early morning in Lagos, the day Stacy was to join her husband after months of their marriage had finally begun. Her flight from Uyo to Lagos was scheduled for 2pm. She was eager to embrace the journey of marriage fully. Always optimistic Stacy was. She was certain that her marriage would be perfect. 

At exactly 3:00 p.m., the plane landed at Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Ikeja. Anthonio Ibeh, Stacy's husband was to pick her up from the airport, however, an emergency arose. Stacy was bad with locations, but at this point, she had to figure out her way home. With the direction given to her, she made it to the location, however, she missed her way, and Anthonio had to come get her. Finding her way to places was one of her weaknesses, which was the least of her worries. 

The bigger trouble lies ahead which she never imagined she would ever come to experience. 

A few days later, Stacy had gradually arranged her belongings and placed the necessary equipment for the house in order, specifically those for the kitchen area. Stacy was not working, so basically she stayed home. Her daily routine was cooking, washing, and ensuring the house was tidy. Before she got married, she had transitioned into tech and was gradually navigating the freelance world. One of her dreams has always been to have her own money and not depend on her husband. 

Anthonio Ibeh is a successful businessman but a controlling and demanding husband. He is a good man as Stacy would always say of him. He ensures that everything needed in the house is provided. But in doing this, he doesn't ever notice that some of his actions are controlling. He demands that you play your role as a wife perfectly. Any day you make a mistake or forget, it is an issue. When the burden is too much and she tries to make the issue known, Anthonio doesn't listen. He would say “Is it cooking and cleaning the house that is too much for you to do”. I go out, hustle, and make sure that you are well taken care of, and all you complain about is how stressed you are in doing chores and cooking. 

Since her words are not regarded as important and trying to maintain peace in the home, things continually remain like that. As things continued, she felt trapped, especially when most complaints landed in a serious quarrel, leading to threats of divorce from her husband Anthonio. To Anthonio, he provides finance for her and that's doing enough for him. But to Stacy, it is not, everything was not about money, she needed his presence and emotional support. 

Stacy went deep into thought. “Why are her opinions always dismissed?" she asked herself. She thought about everything and she concluded that it was because she had no income of her own. Stacy has always been the type who doesn't like begging or asking for things, especially money. Anthonio claimed he provided everything she needed, but in every finance he provided, Stacy saw him as a stingy man. And that's because she found it so hard to ask him for money. He doesn't give her allowance, nor does he buy her things. The moment he gives her money to stock up for the month, he is done. And to him, he has done the whole world. 

Locked on her laptop and furiously applying to jobs was Stacy. She has been job hunting for months now, to no avail. She rarely gets feedback. She had learned a tech course known as Data Science for 16 months. However, she has been struggling to navigate the freelance world with it. You could name the countless freelance platforms she has navigated and hasn't seen a great result forthcoming. Most times she constantly faces imposter syndrome. Amidst all these obstacles she chose not to relent. She vowed that she would do everything it takes to excel in the freelance workspace, because that would help her easily attain the dream she has always hoped for. 

Weeks passed and Stacy noticed some changes in her body. She started to feel nauseous and was experiencing a bloated stomach. It wasn't a concern for her, not until she had a missed period and thus went to the hospital to check herself. 

The doctor confirmed she was a month pregnant already. She was happy and at the same time sad. Happy that one of her prayers was answered and sad because she fears that she may not get the emotional support she needs throughout the pregnancy journey. 

Stacy went home to share the good news with Anthonio. When he got the news, he was excited and very pleased. He exclaimed, "Finally I am a man”. He asked Stacy how she felt, and she replied “Yeah, I am excited too, but then worried. 

Why are you worried? He asked. That you would never be around to assist replied Stacy. Anthonio said to her, If he stayed home and came to be with her, who would then take care of the bills? 

Yeah you are right, but your presence is needed, I can't do it alone, Stacy said to him. 

Don't worry you will be fine, Anthonio said.

The first trimester journey began. It had come with so many emotions and mood swings. People would say you know the true character of your husband when you are pregnant. That was Stacy's case. The whole pregnancy journey felt like a punishment and torture to her. Anthonio made it more unbearable for her. Most times she would be so tired and thus not be able to clean the house like she always does. However, Anthonio would always make a fuse out of it. He would say “Stop using pregnancy as an excuse, that's laziness. You just want to stay home doing nothing just because you are pregnant. Stacy was shocked by the statement. She wondered, does her husband know what it entails to be pregnant, especially the first trimester where there is risk of miscarriage? Unfortunately, he doesn't know, she said. Because if he does, he would not let her still be mopping, or lifting heavy stuff at this time, Stacy said to herself. With all this chaos, Stacy was still resilient. But what struck her hard was the fact that she had to beg to be given fruit. She would always remind Anthonio to get her fruits all to no avail. She had to ask herself, Is it really what marriage is all about? Do I really have to always remind my husband or beg him to get me fruits before he does? These questions were trooping in her mind. 

Another incident struck her much harder which made her realize that she really needed to make a name for herself. Her husband would occasionally bring in friends and colleagues home, most times they would stay without any timeline. To Anthonio, he is just so sure that there will always be food at home. He never asked if his wife had the strength to accommodate the visitors and colleagues who came in and out. His role was just to demand a meal. However, when Stacy tries to talk to him to minimize the way people visit their home, or better still set a timeline for anyone staying with them, at least till she puts to birth. But it becomes an issue leading to threats of divorce. 

Stacy felt trapped. Not only that, she felt like a slave in her own husband’s house. It was as if her whole life was now tied solely to the kitchen and doing chores. She reminisced about the girl she used to be before and now, it was not the same. The girl before had dreams, and was career-willed but the girl she saw now was quite different, a girl who is gradually losing herself to the role of being a perfect wife. Stacy just wanted to live her dream to the fullest without the negative cultural expectations of being a wife as a barrier to it. She thought deeply and knew that only one decision would change any conflict that may be in her life, and that decision was financial autonomy. Doing something she loves was the only way she could live without worrying about cultural mentalities that confine women’s roles and value them solely to the kitchen. And to do that, she has to be financially free. 

Furiously, Stacy started sending out applications again for a job, and at the same time seeking clients and ways to scale through the remote work space. Every day of her life became a job-hunting day. In a week she would have applied to more than 30 jobs. Working remotely was perfect for her and that was exactly what she wanted. Her biggest challenge in freelancing was imposter syndrome and getting clients. 

Two months later, a client finally responded. Stacy was to have an interview with the client before being considered for the job. However, Stacy messed up. The questions asked related to data science, she couldn't answer them, but deep down she knew them, not only did she know them, but she also knew she had the skills. Imposter syndrome didn't let her, so she definitely didn't get the job. Still, she continued to try, applying to any job she saw that she was capable of doing. 

A month passed, no result. But two weeks later, her breakthrough came through. Stacy landed a client from London, a fast-growing fintech start-up. The contract was to upload and present files to the client's server. This was her first contract, and she worked tirelessly for three hours. At 5:58am she uploaded the final presentation file. She delivered really well and her client was satisfied. She was happy with herself. The happiness was enough to want to immediately share her progress with Anthonio, but she did not. She wanted it to come both as a shock and a surprise to him. Above all she needed to save up before letting him know. 

Now, Stacy was about to face her biggest technical challenge. It was a part of a data science module, which is the implementation of Python scripting to analyze user feedback. The code was complex and she was faced with errors that she could not debug. Stacy got stuck and was staring at the screen while lost in thought. A voice of imposter syndrome said to her, You are not a tech person but a wife, so focus on being a wife. This was too much for her. She almost got her freelance account deleted. But when she remembered her dream and the reason she is fighting really hard to have her own source of income, she retracted. 

Stacy reached out to an online community dedicated to African data scientists. A few hours later, a young man from Ghana responded. He did not mock her, but simply asked her questions and guided her. Stacy was able to find the error and her script ran perfectly well. Most times Stacy would use AI tools to solve any issue she encountered or reach out to communities like she did, and still would not be able to solve the problem. But she was lucky that the man was kind enough to help her out with her problem. It was as if the heavens were really at her side. 

A month later, Stacy bagged another client. This time a bigger client. She secured a six-month job with an American client. The income this time was five times the husband's salary. She carefully transferred the amount to a private account that she had opened completely independently. The amount was enough to comfortably live on for two years if she were threatened with divorce again. Stacy was definitely going to inform her husband about the progress, but it was not yet time. 

Stacy was so proud of the woman she had become. She never believed she would earn such an amount of money. “Seven million in a space of a month” she whispered. She was still in shock, and yet another surprise struck. Five different clients were bidding for her to work for them. Seeing the messages from them, she burst into tears and said “My answered prayers, this is really the handwork of God, who am I to have been worthy of all these blessings”. Thank you, Jesus, she said at last. 

Now it was time to let the husband know. However, she didn't want to just blow the big news to him. She wanted to put him to the test, just to see how he reacts when he learns that she has started to earn. So Stacy decided to tell Anthonio, her husband, that she had gotten a contract to write a story, and she would be paid a hundred dollars when she was done with the contract. Anthonio replied, “Finally someone has decided to do something meaningful with themselves”. I hope you finish it to the end so you can be paid. Do not come to tell me that you are quitting, Anthonio exclaimed. 

Was that an insult or a compliment, Stacy asked herself. However, she remained silent in order not to escalate the matter any further. She accepted to work for the five clients, but on a flexible schedule, which made it easy for her to handle the five clients especially during her pregnancy. This time around, she earned enough to comfortably live for 10 years or more. Part of Stacy's dream was to buy a house. The house she and her husband were living in was a rented house. So she decided to buy a house and hand it over to her husband. She wanted to present it to him as a gift. In order not to make Anthonio feel disrespected or shocked which may lead to a quarrel. She decided to tell him frankly what she actually does. 

Anthonio, returned from the day's work one fateful day, so tired. Stacy made her husband a meal and prepared a hot bath for him. After that, she requested she wanted to speak with him. 

“Anthonio, I have something to tell you,” she said. It was not a writing contract I got earlier. My work is in data science, and I got a one-year contract from five different clients. She handed him the papers for the contract and still showed him the emails and her freelance account, just so that he would not be in doubt. 

And this is the remaining money I have earned so far, she said. The other balance I used to buy a house for us, and here is the key and documents to the house, you have it. She handed it over to him. 

Anthonio was perplexed, he didn't know how to respond, but he was for sure proud of Stacy. 

Things changed for the better. Stacy became a woman of her own. She lived her dreams to the fullest without ever disrespecting her husband because she earned more. She no longer felt disrespected, her opinions were no longer dismissed, and she contributed to decision-making. Cultural expectations were no longer a barrier to her. Threats of divorce became meaningless to her. However, Anthonio her husband became more empathetic and romantic as she had always wanted. Anthonio sought her opinions on matters often. There was understanding between the two of them and they lived happily ever after.

Stacy was able to succeed because she never gave up. She had a dream, and so was resilient enough to reach the finish point. That is what the weight of a dream can do. Keep pursuing your dreams till you have conquered.