Nine to Five or Nine to Laugh?

The morning started like every other or at least it tried to. By 8:45 a.m., the entire office was already in mild confusion. The generator had tripped, the coffee machine was making a noise like a dying goat, and Musa, the security guard, had once again locked himself outside the gate while chasing a chicken that didn’t even belong to him. Inside the office, Team Harmony Ltd. was anything but harmonious. At the front desk, Bisi the self-proclaimed “Queen of Multitasking” was on the phone with a client while simultaneously painting her nails and eating puff-puff. Yes sir, we are a very professional company, she said confidently, right as a puff-puff ball rolled off her plate and landed in her shoe. In the corner, Sola from Accounts was having a deep argument with his calculator. You can’t lie to me, he whispered. I know that number is wrong. When the calculator beeped, he shouted, Oh, so now you’re talking back? Titi, the HR officer, walked in with her usual morning power walk. Good morning, everyone! Please remember the meeting at nine sharp. Attendance is compulsory The room fell silent. Everyone looked up like school children caught with stolen snacks. Another meeting? groaned Emeka from IT. We just finished one yesterday. That was about lateness, Titi replied sweetly. This one is about the noise during the last meeting.

At exactly 9:05 (because nobody ever arrived on time), everyone squeezed into the tiny meeting room. The air conditioner was working miraculously but only if you didn’t sit under it. Anyone who did would immediately turn into a frozen statue. Titi stood at the front with her notepad like a motivational speaker. Alright team, she began. We’re here to discuss discipline, teamwork, and Before she could finish, a loud thud! echoed. Everyone turned. It was Sola. He’d fallen asleep standing up. I’m awake! he said instantly, jerking up. I was just meditating on the team’s vision. Bisi giggled so hard she spilled her coffee on Emeka’s laptop. Emeka jumped up. Ah! My system! Do you know how many unsaved files I have here? Relax, Bisi said, waving a tissue. It’s just small coffee. Small? My laptop smells like a coffee shop. The argument grew louder until Titi snapped. Enough! We need to focus. Just then, the boss Mr. Johnson walked in. The entire room transformed in 0.5 seconds. Everyone sat upright, phones disappeared, and smiles became painfully professional. Good morning, team, he said calmly. How’s productivity this week? Silence. You could hear the air conditioner struggling. Finally, Bisi spoke up. Sir, we’ve been very proactive in… synergy. Synergy? Mr. Johnson raised an eyebrow. What exactly have you synergized? Nobody knew. To save the situation, Titi quickly added, Sir, we’re preparing the quarterly report. Excellent, Mr. Johnson said, smiling. Can I see it? Now everyone looked at Sola. The report was his job. He froze. Ah… the report? Yes, the report. Well, sir, it’s in progress. The spirit is willing but the spreadsheet is weak. Chaos After the Boss Leaves When Mr. Johnson left, the entire room burst out laughing. Bisi said, Sola, one day you’ll use that your spreadsheet is weak line in church. Leave me joor, Sola replied. You people don’t know the suffering of a man who has seen Excel error messages. Meanwhile, Emeka was drying his laptop with tissue and muttering, If this laptop crashes, I’m crashing with it. Then the power suddenly blinked. The generator went silent. Ah! NEPA has taken light again, Musa shouted from outside. the chicken came back. Everyone rushed to the window. Sure enough, Musa was outside chasing the same chicken again shouting, You can’t embarrass me twice Bisi laughed so hard she fell off her chair. Honestly,” said Titi, wiping tears from her eyes, “if this company ever wins ‘Best Workplace,’ it’s by mistake.”

The Surprise Audit At 2 p.m., just when the day couldn’t get worse, a visitor arrived. A woman in a navy suit walked in, holding a clipboard. “Good afternoon. I’m from the audit department.” Silence again. Everyone glanced around in panic. Emeka whispered, “Did anyone know about an audit today? Bisi smiled nervously. “Ah yes, yes, we’ve been expecting you since… Monday.” The woman nodded. “Good. I’ll be checking the financial files first. Sola nearly fainted. His ‘quarterly report’ was still just a folder named Final_Final_LastOne_UseThis.xlsx. Can I have the documents, please? she asked. Sola stuttered, “Of course… just… give me two minutes to… align the data spiritually. As he pretended to search, Bisi tried to distract the auditor. Would you like some coffee? she asked, holding the same half-cold coffee that killed Emeka’s laptop.

No, thank you.

Tea?

No.

Juice?

No.

Puff-puff?

The auditor blinked. “Is this an office or a restaurant?” The Grand Ending Just when everything seemed to collapse, Mr. Johnson returned smiling. Good news, team, The auditor just told me we passed, Everyone gasped. We what? Yes. Apparently, she visited the wrong office. The whole room exploded in laughter. Even Titi dropped her notepad. Mr. Johnson looked around, amused. “You people are the most unserious serious workers I’ve ever seen. But somehow, work still gets done. I don’t know how. Sola raised his hand. “It’s synergy, sir. Mr. Johnson chuckled. Exactly. Keep synergizing just try not to burn the office. As he walked out, Bisi whispered, “See? All our chaos is divine strategy. Emeka added, If madness were a skill, we’d all be managers by now. Everyone laughed again, and for once, even Titi joined in. The generator came back on, Musa finally caught the chicken, and Team Harmony Ltd. went right back to being the most productive and most ridiculous office in existence.

thanks for reading

Written by TeeNami